Let me be perfectly clear to any of our English friends from across the pond, when I say ‘napkin’, I’m referring to that piece of paper or cloth that is used to clean the fingers and face during or after a meal. Since we rarely break out the cloth napkins unless we have company, our table is usually graced with a sheet of Brawney’s finest, or one of the small memorabilia napkins from our wedding. Yes, I know that we were married over twelve years ago, but let that be a lesson to the engaged couples reading this. Don’t order too many napkins.
Now, there seems to be a slight bit of confusion at our house as to what a napkin might be, and this was never clearer to me as when I tried to clean the table off the other day. To start with, the back of the chair is NOT a napkin. I personally buffed, stained, and sealed those chairs, with some help from my nephew. When I finished, they were as smooth as silk. Now, the kid’s chairs feel like they are somewhere between #80 and #100 grit sandpaper.
Another spot that is often mistaken for a napkin is the bottom of the table. As best I can figure, the children take their greasy food covered hands and place them, palm up, against the little lip on the bottom of the table. Then, they slide their hands toward themselves, effectively scraping the loose food off and depositing it underneath and out of view.
The dog is NOT a napkin, no matter how badly she wants to be. It might be fun to watch her lick the food off your fingers or turn in circles to get at that greasy spot you handprinted on her hindquarters, but it is neither sanitary nor desirable. And lest you be tempted to let her clean your face as well, let’s not forget that the dog is a bit less discriminate about where she pokes her head and what she puts in her mouth.
Finally, your light colored church shirt is NOT the place to clean spaghetti off of your mouth, and your khaki pants are NOT for tidying up your hands. That small square piece of paper beside your plate is there for a reason.
If I can get my kids to understand and follow these simple dinner time rules, I think we’ll be a little better off in the clean-up department.
Do you remember the time you guys came over to eat and when you sat down at the table on Dex's side there was food smeared on the rim of the table? I think your kids are at that age. I would tell you that it gets better, but I still look at the kids, as I'm handing them a napkin, and say, " This is a new invention called a napkin. You use it INSTEAD of your shirt sleeve or pants leg."
ReplyDeleteGood luck with that!
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