Bedtime Tactics

Technically, ‘filibusters’ can only take place on the congressional floor.  However, I have noticed a peculiar phenomenon around our house about the hour of bedtime.  My young ones seem intent on using the ‘art of delay’ to maximize the time they spend awake.  I’m not really sure why.  It’s not like we’re breaking out the party games and having a grand old time once they’re in bed.

Still, they’ve become quite the little masters at it.  There seems to be an unwritten checklist of activities that must be accomplished before they can be left to their slumber.  If even the smallest of items on that list is not met, they have grounds to stage a postponement.  A short list of activities includes, but is not limited to:  using the potty, kissing and hugging both mommy and daddy, brushing teeth, saying prayers, turning on the night light, picking up any random toy they see fit, and getting stuffed animals and blankets. 

On most nights, I somehow manage to forget one thing or another. 

Along the way, I’ve learned that you have to watch them closely when they go to amend a situation.  For instance, if they have not given Mommy goodnight love, you’ve got to stay on top of them and make sure they give her a hug AND a kiss.  If they intentionally leave out the kiss, they’ll begin howling about it as soon as you turn out the light and make to leave the room.  Tricky little devils, those two.

I’ve made some very concerted efforts to sweep the children into bed without running afoul of any rituals, only to have a new tactic thrown into play.  Griffin will always want to ask you a question before you leave the room.  When he was younger, they came across as something like, “Daddy, I wanted to ask you, if someone comes to our house, tell them that I love you.”  As he’s grown up, they’ve become more relevant to the activities of the day.

Gage’s modus operandi is the never-ending prayer.  It doesn’t take long to figure out when we’re headed into one.  He’ll begin praying for everyone he knows, by name, to have a ‘good sleep’.  Then we’ll start into cartoon characters he knows, the cast of Mickey Mouse Clubhouse, the Little Einsteins, the Backyardigans, etc.  He’s very thorough.

Even passing all these obstacles doesn’t guarantee an instant win for the home team.  Gage isn’t quite potty trained yet, so it’s only Griffin that pulls the next move.  After about thirty-minutes to an hour, we’ll hear the bedroom door open, and out will come our bright-eyed five-year-old.  “I need to use the potty,” he’ll say with a smirk on his face.  He’s learned over the past year that he better actually need to go, or there will be consequences for telling a lie.  Thankfully, that has trailed off a bit in recent months.

I guess it’s just a fact of life that bedtime will occasionally be an ordeal.