How NOT to React to Dinner

There are far too many times in life where I look back, and in my reflection think, “That probably wasn’t the best way to handle that situation.”  Last Monday night’s dinner would be one of those.

I feel that a bit of scene setting is necessary, so bear with me.  Since Haven was born, we’ve been very blessed to have the ladies of M.O.P.S. and other church friends bring us meals.  We are incredibly grateful for them, since it frees us up to take care of the other necessary activities of the day as well as see to the needs of our newborn, who is particularly demanding at this stage of life.  I must say that I don’t know how people make it without the love and support of a church family.

Anyway, Tamara got back in the dinner making saddle with glorious plans of fixing oven roasted chicken, creamy mashed potatoes, cooked carrots, and garden salad.  Little did she know that she had already been thoroughly sabotaged before she even began.  The first error of the evening lies squarely at my feet, for it was I who went to the grocery store on Saturday and picked up some off-brand oven roaster instead of a Tyson chicken.  I paid for that mistake.

Having been a while since she prepared one of these delectable birds, my wife sorely miscalculated how long it took to cook it.  Instead of the usual 5:30 dinner time, we made it to the table a little closer to 7:00.  This worked out OK, since it gave me a chance to get the boys bathed, ready for bed, and packed for school the next day.

In her preparations, she had taken great care to place butter on the skin and season it, so when it came out of the oven, it looked like a golden, savory feast.  Tamara put together the rest of the meal while it cooled.  I came in a little while later and started to cut the chicken into edible pieces.  I noticed I was having a bit of trouble slicing into it, and that bummed me out because it meant the knives were getting dull and I was going to have to sharpen them.  Little did I know…

As we reach this point of the story, I do hope you men will begin taking notes on how NOT to act when dinner doesn’t live up to your expectations.  Without further ado, here we go.

We were all pretty hungry as we sat down to the feast before us.  The smell of the potatoes and chicken alone were driving my taste buds crazy.  We held hands and prayed over the food (not nearly enough to make a difference), and then dug in.  I grabbed my favorite, the chicken wing, and tore into it.  Or at least I tried to tear into it.  The texture and strength of the golden skin lay somewhere between twenty-year-old leather glove and cement.  The meat beneath it was delicious, but getting to it was taking far too much effort.  That leads me to Point # 1:

o        If the skin is too tough to chew through, get a knife.  Tearing at it with your teeth, like a barbarian, does nothing but remind your wife that the meal she prepared wasn’t quite up to culinary standards.

Next up was the mashed potatoes.  They’re always a good match for chicken, in my opinion.  I scooped up a large spoonful and shoveled it in.  Instead of tasting the rich, buttery goodness that is Tamara’s usual batch of potatoes, I felt as if someone had yanked my tongue out about a foot and tazed it.  I yelled.  It was at that point Tamara got around to telling me she put too much pepper in them.  She had unscrewed the cap on the pepper shaker, but instead of sprinkling into the mixer, the pepper came out in a huge glob.  It didn’t take a genius to realize I had shot down any chance of assuring her that they weren’t as bad as she was making them out to be.  Still, to save face, I downed everything I had put on my plate.  Point # 2:

o        It’s never OK to cry out in surprise while eating something your wife has prepared, unless you can be assured that it will be interpreted as “joyful” surprise.

All that being said, she nailed the carrots.  They were absolutely perfect. 

I think anyone who’s eaten my wife’s cooking will be shocked that she had such an off day.  I suppose we can’t all work at 100% our entire lives, but hopefully I’ve given you a few hints that will help minimize the damage to the cooks self-esteem should you find yourself in a similar situation.

Bon appétit!

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This Blog post has been approved by Tamara Thomas.