I forgot how completely a new baby takes over a household. We had become so accustomed to bending the children to our will that it’s a little unsettling to be in the other seat. Instead of running on a tight schedule, getting things done in a timely manner, we run on “baby time”. That basically means things get accomplished when it is most convenient for the baby.
If you are thinking about having a child in the near future, here are some simple rules to help you get accustomed to “baby time”:
1) The house is not awake until the baby is awake. For those of us older than three weeks, that means talking in whispers and tip-toeing through darkened rooms at our own peril. Normally, it’s a non-issue since we sleep every chance we get. That’s also indirectly caused by the baby.
2) If the baby is awake, the rest of the house will be shortly. There’s a little bit of wiggle room here, depending on where your baby sleeps at and where your other children sleep. Also, your baby’s temperament comes into play. If you have a little angel that goos and coos as they greet the morning light, they’re less likely to wake others. But, if your baby is like ours and screeches like a harpy from the moment she wakes up until the moment she’s fed, you can bet that it’s going to rouse a few sleepy heads.
3) You will not be on time for anything. Throw your scheduler out the window. Don’t think it’s as easy as getting up a little earlier. The baby has a handful of delay tactics to help her parents remember who’s really in charge of the time table:
a) Hunger (i.e. You will feed me before we go anywhere, or I will scream the whole trip)
b) Dirty Diaper (i.e. You will take me back out of this carseat and change me, or I will scream the whole trip)
c) Spit-up (i.e. I don’t really care for the color of this outfit, therefore I will ruin it and you will change me)
4) When baby takes a nap, noisy activities must cease. Your daily work schedule is reordered on the basis of when the baby decides it’s time for a nap. No vacuuming, lawnmowing, or sandblasting is allowed while the child is snoozing. Even the older kids’ play activities are limited during this time. No noisy games, WWE wrestling moves, or loud TV shows until little sister wakes up.
5) Adult bedtime is correlated with the last feeding of the night. It doesn’t matter if you want to go to sleep at 6 p.m., if the baby hasn’t hit her night schedule yet, there’s no point. When you get the baby to lie still, close her eyes, and go to sleep, it’s finally alright to start getting ready for bed. In my experience, this is about an hour after you would normally hit the sack.
6) Once the baby is in bed, you will move about the house like a ninja. During those first thirty minutes of sleep, every act of precaution must be taken to ensure that you don’t rouse her. Even how you slip into bed changes, as you work to make as little noise as possible. Every creak, thump, or pop runs the risk of starting the whole bedding down process over.
7) You will sleep for however long the baby deems necessary. It really doesn’t matter what time it is, or how tired, or sick, or grumpy you are, when the baby decides it’s time for a snack you will be woken up. And if you retain any hope of getting back to sleep, you will take care of the baby’s needs.
These are a few of the basic rules of how “baby time” runs. I hope its comprehensive enough to give you an idea of what to expect, but I wouldn’t be surprised if I’ve left out a few details here or there. I’m really quite tired and can’t be bothered to put much more effort into it.
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