Storm Chaser Terminology

We, here in Arkansas, have just come through an entire week of the most violent weather I’ve ever seen.  For nearly six days, one supercell after another lined up and traveled across our fair state.  As a result, we’ve spent an inordinate amount of time glued to the television, listening to the various weather reports, watches, and warnings that have been issued.  In fact, we’ve watched so much TV that we can now knowledgably comment on the weatherman’s entire wardrobe as well as the pros and cons of his daily tie choices. 

Along the way, we’ve also picked up quite a bit of Storm Chaser Terminology, and I’d like to take this time to define these terms the best way I know how.  I am NOT a meteorologist; I have simply used my common knowledge to cipher their meaning.  So without further ado, here they are:

-A-

Accessory Cloud – A cloud that has aided or abetted a criminal cloud.

-B-

Backing Winds – Winds moving in the forward direction can be dangerous enough.  They become even more so when backing up.  This is due to the fact that winds don’t have rear view mirrors, and even if they did, they likely wouldn’t use them.  Remember, it’s your responsibility, as a pedestrian, to watch out for backing winds.

Bear's Cage – [Slang], this is NOT a place you want to be when a storm hits.  Thunder is generally known to make bears cranky, and cranky bears are not cuddly bears.

Bow Echo – As best I can tell, this is a measure of how loud the winds are.  If you can hear the twang of a bow, and it echoes, then the winds aren’t blowing very hard.  However, the louder the winds, the harder it is to hear a bow echo.

-C-

Cell – This is the device that mobile storm chasers use to call in to the local weather station with.  It’s important to remember that the more severe the storm, the more likely their call to the weather center will be dropped…or it might just be that they’re on the AT&T network.

Convergence – The opposite of Divergence.

-D-

Dew Point – The point at which the weatherman has been awake so long that he can’t function without the smooth taste and instant caffeine rush of a Mountain Dew.

Directional Shear – This is some sort of gardening tool.  I really don’t know what his has to do with weather.

Divergence – The opposite of Convergence.

Dry Line – A dance, somewhat similar to a Congo Line, in which a group of Native Americans try to repent of an earlier Rain Dance that they may have called for.

Dry-line Bulge – A rather large person dancing in the Dry Line.

Dry-line Storm – The Dry Line did not work, and the Rain Dance continues to remain in effect.

Dust Devil – A small, handheld vacuum cleaner the weatherman uses to clean Cheeto dust off his lapels before going on camera.

-F-

Feeder Bands – Every band needs a first gig, and every weather center needs a cool jingle.  It’s a match made in Heaven.

Fujita Scale (or F Scale) – A scale that measures the general worthiness of user uploaded pictures for weather reports {most of these pics are of hail or freaky looking clouds}:

F0: Unusable image quality.

F1: Picture content barely visible, still unusable.

F2: Clear, but poorly lit image.

F3: Clean image.

F4: Crisp, quality image.

F5: Professional grade shot.

-H-

Hook – [Slang], clearly a reference to Captain James Hook of Peter Pan.  Used to indicate nasty, foul, pirate-like weather.

-I-

Impulse – Highest speed that a Star Fleet vessel can travel before going to warp.  I still can’t figure out what this has to do with weather.

Instability – The mental state that a weatherman reaches after five sleepless days of reporting on storms.

Inversion – The weather does exactly the opposite of what the weatherman just said it would do.

-M-

Microburst – One millionth of a burst.

Multi-cell Thunderstorm – A really long storm system that requires a vast horde of storm chasers to deploy along it.  They will use multiple cellular phones to keep in touch.

-N-

NOAA – A nod of respect given to the guy that endured the first recorded storm in history.

-R-

Radial Velocity – The speed at which a storm chaser’s tires move once he realizes the tornado he was watching has turned onto an intercept path with his vehicle.

-S-

Severe Thunderstorm – An alternate way to say ‘Tuesday.’

Supercell – Alternate name for an iPhone.

-W-

Wall Cloud – Like a wall, this type of cloud is so thick that you can’t see through it.  In my opinion, this describes most clouds.