Girls Are Just Different

When I first became a new father, I was scared to death of raising boys.  After having Griffin and Gage, and the ensuing years of practice, I’ve become pretty comfortable in my role as parent to two of these rowdy little guys.  Girls, on the other hand, are a totally different matter, and I’m struggling to come to terms with the dissimilarities.

First off, they are physically different, which comes as no surprise to anyone above the age of three.  However, there are certain rules involved in this difference that I was not immediately aware of.  Did you know I’ve been changing diapers the WRONG way for five whole years?  Apparently, there’s a correct and incorrect direction in which to wipe a dirty hiney.  And beyond that, what’s with giving daddy a hand-shower almost every time he changes the diaper?  She’s already peed on me more times than both boys ever did…combined.

Another area of disparity that I’ve noticed is clothing.  Boys are generally very easy to get dressed.  In fact, the three year old can pretty much take care of all his clothing needs now, though he does come in with the occasional backwards shirt.  When dressing Haven, I’m the one more likely to put something on backwards.  OK, buttons should be on the front of the dress, people!  For a baby who lies on her back ninety percent of the time, it makes no sense to hide the latches where it’s doubly difficult to snap or button them.  And what sick person first thought up tights for babies?!?  I spent 5 minutes trying to get hers on yesterday.  For those of you who’ve never tried, it’s an experience akin to taking a live squid, putting it in a mesh bag, and then trying to keep all the tentacles from coming out the holes.  Every time I’d get one of her legs in and start working on the other, the first leg would pop back out.  Girl clothes are not easy, by any stretch of the imagination.

And furthermore, exactly how many shades of pink are there?  Thus far, I have been able to distinguish two, and that’s only when they are lying side by side.  However, I’ve been told there are quite a few more than the couple I’ve found.  Color distinction is a genetics issue, from what I understand.  Something about the X chromosome helps in differentiation of the color red.  That would be the X chromosome that all males get only 1 of where females get 2.  Keep that in mind, ladies, next time you’re stressing over which shade of heels to wear for an evening on the town.  Chances are your date can barely tell which section of the color wheel it came from.  This could also, consequently, explain the phenomenon where we look in your closet and exclaim, “How many pairs of black shoes do you need!?”

All those differences aside, there’s also a certain sweetness about Haven that I didn’t quite notice with the boys.  It could be the way she smiles when you lay her down to change her diaper, or maybe the way she laughs when you pull her arms out of her clothes, or maybe the way she babbles back when you ‘coo’ at her.  I can’t quite put my finger on what it is, yet, but it does merit some further research.  It’s possible that girls are just made out of sweeter things than boys…like sugar and spice and everything nice.